Sunday, August 31, 2003

Allrighty folks.

I'm obviously still working on it, but now you have comments AND a chatterbox (til I get something else...I don't like how that overlaps...) to give me feedback. For now, I have to go to bed. It'll be fun again later, I promise.

Love you all.

:) Mic

Michaela @7:40 AM :: Comment with me while I try and get all this sorted.

#1) Apparently, this template doesn't work too good with Mozilla. I'm sorry.

#2) Sorry if the resolution is too big, too. I'm sure its gonna annoy me, too, when I get back to my laptop.

If you know how to fix these things....let me know.


Michaela @2:21 AM :: Comment

Saturday, August 30, 2003

I am going to freaking CRY.

My entire blog code/template got screwed up.

So I have to start over.

I hate blogger.

What's really annoying is that I still HAVE the code saved. Obviously, my archives have the old template. But when I copy it to blogger, its all screwed up and I don't know HTML (and even if I would probably be more trouble than its worth) to sort it all out.

So here we go again. Good thing I didn't have anything planned today besides a rousing game of Yahtzee later, in which I will kick my mother's ass.

So instead of sending comments, how about sending me an email? Those make me happy. Boo ya.

Michaela @9:48 PM :: Comment

I lied...I should have kissed you...when we were running in the rain....

Current Playlist:
"Not Alone" by Patty Griffin
"Stay" and "Forget About It" by Alison Krauss and Union Station
"Volcano" and "Amie" (and the rest of the album "O") by Damien Rice
"She" by Radial Angel

I've decided I have a condition. It could be a syndrome though. I don't know the difference. The problem is.....I wake up around 11pm, no matter what. Not literally, of course. I'm usually a functional human being during the day. But I can get NO sleep the night before, be completely wasted all day...then when 11 comes around, I want to Taco Bell or go buy new pens at Wal-Mart or write a poem or...bake biscuits. No, its not insomnia, its something different. Maybe a form of it. But I've decided I defintely want it named after me. I read once that Kurt Cobain had some sort of stomach condition and they never figured out what it was and he wanted it named after him. (Two things: 1) Its called drugs. 2) How horrible would it be to have "Kurt Cobain Disease" these days? GAH.) I'm pretty sure I would have to die from it, and maybe even be famous for it to get named after me.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, ma' have Michaela Forbes Disease."



"It means you will likely have to live a life of extreme gas accompanied by notebooks upon notebooks of bad high school poetry, no matter how old you are, due to late night runs to Taco Bell and 24 hour stores that sell pens and 79 cent notebooks. I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you. There is no cure."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *Collapse into tears*

Anyway. You get the idea. I'm cursed for life. I just want my damn syndrome/condition/disease named after me. That's all I ask.

Moving along....... don't think I told you guys.....but I'm going back to Scotland. I know I said I was staying. And I was. But I was doing my Financial Aid stuff and thru a lot of phone calls found out that my school in Scotland has just last week applied for Title IV, meaning I can get aid there. Well, better late than never, folks. So, that kinda changed everything. Suddenly I was looking at 2 more years in Scotland and $14,000 in total tution, or 4 more years at school here and $45,000 in tution. I can't see myself facing 4 more years of college, just to get a bachelors. Plus....I never did feel at peace about the decision. I was happy about it, but not peaceful. I think I need to go back and finish what I started....for once. And now...I'm kinda excited to go back. I'm really hoping and praying that this new flat might work out. I've been in contact with this girl, a photography major at the art school, a Christian, and she's looking for a new roommate. Her flat sounds really nice, and its in my old neighborhood, even closer to my bus stop and the little shop with the nice Pakistani man that stocks Rolling Stone and Vanilla Milk. That was what broke my heart about losing the flat: I loved the Bruntsfield/Marchmont/Morningside area. Its so freaking stunning. her folks own this flat and it would probably just be the two of us, with a spare room, at least for starters. Which would be amazing. The rent is a little higher though, so I'm waiting to hear back from my boss-peoples about that. OH she also goes to P's and G's Church (St Pauls and St Georges), which is VERY exciting to me...because I hear that I would like it there, and knowing one person at a church makes it easier to get to know other people....and all that might solve this whole "community" problem that will still linger when I go back. So I'm praying about that, hoping it all works out.

Its rough, because I live in these totally separate worlds, these two completely different lives on different continents. Its the strangest thing.

But I'm definitely ready for classes to start. I miss my homies. I'm ALSO ready to ATTACK the new First Years. OH man its gonna be great. See, our year will forever be bitter because the 2nd and 3rd years barely ever talked to us. So we're just gonna freaking clobber the newbies, its gonna be great.

And here's to hoping that there is a hot dude over 6ft tall in that new class.

I leave the States on Sept 9th. From Kansas City, which PISSES me right on off, because my travel agent KNOWS I'm in St Louis. (She's in Kansas City.) I'm pretty sure she read the itinerary to me before she ordered it though, so its partially my fault. But GRRRRRR. Anyway. Yeah, so I'll get into Edinburgh on the 10th.

All I'm I BETTER get home for the Holidays. Last year sucked.

I still wanna fall in love.

That's all for now.


Michaela @7:04 AM :: Comment

Friday, August 29, 2003

Okay. I'm just gonna keep trying new commenting hosts until they quit screwing up.

Sorry they keep getting deleted.


Michaela @2:43 PM :: Comment

Yeah. I don't really know what the dilly is with my site. Not sure if its the new comments.


Michaela @2:00 PM :: Comment

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

First of all.....two things....

1) I replaced my old comments provider with a new one that hopefully WORKS much better. Sorry to those of you who lost comments. But you'll thank me later.

2) I would like to personally point you guys in the direction of . I don't actually know this guy, but Daniel says that he's pretty cool.....and his blog is amazing. He's a newbie, so go over there and get hooked on it right at the beginning. Seriously, this guy is awesome. I love his honesty and passion....while I also PISS myself with laughter at some of what he writes. Very cool.

That's all for now. I keep writing a lot, but more in notebooks than on here. I'll have to share some of my love for Langston Hughes here pretty soon.

Peace out to my homies,

P.S. To those who don't know, I don't ACTUALLY play guitar. But I play one on TV. *

*That isn't true either.

Michaela @6:21 AM :: Comment

Monday, August 25, 2003'll be a womaaaaan sooooon....

Though I've lived overseas for several years now, only on occassion does it actually occur to me that I'm an adult.

And what does this mean? I can basically do WHATEVER I WANT.

This thought came to me tonite (or, this morning..) : Its 2am and I wanted to bake biscuits. And you know what? I did.

You know why?

Because I COULD.

That is all.

Michaela @7:14 AM :: Comment


(Courtesy of Found Magazine.....and Meg, who helped me find Found. Or something.)

(The Journey is the Destination)


(Woman with Rake)

Michaela @6:22 AM :: Comment

Thursday, August 21, 2003


Pete or Damien? Depends on your mood. Pete is more.....Springsteen rock. Damien is more mellow...acoustic guitar and strings. I think if you could only get one, get Damien. Amazing.

And so long as we are talking about amazing albums, I got Alison Krauss and Union Station's Live 2-CD album tonite...THAT is SWEET. I've had "Stay" almost on repeat all night. Wow. I still don't understand how she sings so great and barely opens her mouth. She's like...Charlie McCarthy or something. (Bonus points if you know who Charlie McCarthy actually was.)

Would I be on The Real World? ABSOLUTELY. I'd be the girl that everyone THINKS is a naive midwestern girl (they'll make that assumption based soley on the fact I am a virgin, a fact that I guarantee is a selling point to Real World producers...seeing as they would probably instruct the others in the house to try and get me drunk and laid...or something...) but then I shock and surprise everyone with my enviable coolness AND relevant faith. Oh yes. Booker and I actually talked about sending in tapes. I still might, after I'm done with college.

I would do Road Rules if they asked, but I'd rather be on the Real World. On Road Rules, you gotta jump off buildings and eat intestines and all that. On the Real World, you just party and sleep and shoot pool and do random, totally irresponsible jobs, like working at a radio station or writing travel reports. So it would further my quest to avoid real jobs.

I still wish I could have been on the Seattle season. If you watched that show and were female and did NOT have a crush on must be blind.


Oh and I would DEFINITELY be on The Mole if Anderson Cooper were still hosting. Grrr, baby.

So yeah. Those are my thoughts on the matters. :)

Michaela @5:37 AM :: Comment

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

When People Stop Being Polite.....

Okay folks, new (to me) CD's you must put on your "To Buy" list:

Damien Rice: "O"

Pete Yorn: "Day I Forgot"

Freaking amazing, seriously.

Okay, and its now time for the Question of the Day:

If you could be on MTV's The Real World...would you be?

Why or why not? If so, what "character" would you be? (Ex. "angry black man"..."naive white midwestern girl"..."homosexual/bisexual poster child" get the idea....)

Just wondering.

Michaela @8:42 AM :: Comment

Friday, August 15, 2003

If I'm being honest with you, I'm sorta scared.

I'm scared of making the wrong decision in this whole matter. I keep thinking that maybe I should just go ahead and go back, that it was all silly to think I could come home, and maybe they'll all forgive me for bailing on them. I'm scared because I already miss Scotland....but I know that the minute I go to Scotland, I'll miss home. I'm scared because I realize that all this travelling might be some sort of drug....a drug I'm trying to both detox from and help feed, by coming home. Coming home is just another sort of travelling, I suppose....until a few months pass and then I'll want to go somewhere else again.

I realized that though there are a million reasons to come home, there are a thousand reasons to go back. And the "thousand reasons" keep making themselves known.

Here was the deciding factor: I realized that if I were to die tommorrow, I would not regret not having spent more time overseas, or living in Scotland...but I would, in fact, regret how little time I've spent with my family over the past few years. And it could easily be argued that now is the time to travel, to get away, before you are tied down with family and marriage and kids. But I feel now is the time I really do need my family, no matter how much I've tried to convince myself that I don't over the past few years.

This whole thing feels like a break-up....where you know you're doing the right thing in cutting things off, you know you aren't supposed to be together....but you have so many memories that still much left undone, or so it feels like....and all the "knowing" in your head can't relieve those feelings that you still have.

I loved Edinburgh. But I love home, too.

One Thousand. One Million.

You know what I want? Here's the truth. I wanna fall in love. Crazy, maddening love. Here in the States. Somehow this would justify my move. I would say AH HA, God wanted me back here so that he could introduce me to so-and-so and all that fluttering in my stomach will replace all the missing of friends in Scotland and I'll feel that I'm truly wanted HERE.

And yet I realize this a ridiculous request, in light of the fact that I'm so terrible at loving my God.


Michaela @9:09 AM :: Comment

Thursday, August 14, 2003

"Second Place"

(8.10.03/Kansas City/Broadway Cafe)
(Written with "Not Alone" by Patty Griffin playing in the background...)

She’s over there in the corner booth….the one with the coffee-stained breath….go ahead and let her down, she’s more comfortable with that anyway, its what she’s used to…she’s not been home for four years, says she likes it that way, but she misses it desperately…she’d go back if it was still there, but its gone…everywhere she goes she wants to be somewhere else because here is not home…but then maybe home wasn’t home at all, and maybe she’s not found it…maybe she’ll never find it, but she keeps looking, if only to fill her days with something other than the missing….to grab ahold of a hope, even if it’s false….

She’ll tell you a million stories of her days…of saviors come and gone…of lost innocence she prayed to find again…of a falling that won’t stop, and when it does, she knows it will return…She’ll tell you no, that wasn’t the plan, but sometimes you get dealt a hand, sometimes you take a wrong turn when you thought it was right, but it was a one-way street, babe, so she kept going because she can’t turn around…and even if she could, she wouldn’t, because then she’d have to admit that she was lost…

She’ll tell you she’s strong enough, but she’ll be lying, even to herself....She might even believe it, til tonite, when the lights are off and the fan is running but she is still alone.

If you ask – and only if you ask – she’ll admit that yes, she loved a man, and maybe he loved her, but she doesn’t really know for sure, because maybe he didn’t, and she’d rather pretend he did... And whatever it was that took him away, she’ll never know, but it must have been more important than her anyway, so it just wasn’t meant to be….

She’ll tell you, “its better to have loved and lost, than…” but she’s lying about that too, and she knows it, and you know it and she knows that you know it, but she’ll tell you anyway.

He wasn’t good for her, but she didn’t care, because neither were the others, and neither were the substitutes…to her it was all or all, and to him it was nothing or nothing….

But it was years ago, she’ll tell you…and love is overrated anyway, she’ll say….

But she’ll know she’s lying and you’ll know she’s lying and she’ll know that you know she’s lying….

But she won’t care.

Michaela @2:48 AM :: Comment

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

So here's the news....

I'm not going to be back at ICC in Scotland next year. Instead I'm transferring (i.e. starting over) at Southwest Baptist University in Bolivar, Missouri. I'll still be doing youth ministry, adding on theatre as my minor.

I'll explain more later, but the decision mostly is concerning community and the need I have for it and the lack of it I have in Scotland....and money, of course. And a lot of other things. But I'm excited.

More news:

1) We just passed the 10,500 hits mark on my little site. Thanks guys!

2) I'm pretty sure I finally have a solid idea for an actual book. Yes, one that I would write. So hopefully y'all will buy it. If I only sell 50 copies.....well, I may not die rich, but I'll die happy. ;)

Talk amoungst yourselves.....

Michaela ;)

Michaela @10:36 PM :: Comment

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Wax Lyrical

So I've been on this lyrics trip lately, and remembered a song an old friend of mine wrote. (If you want to know the actual train of thought....the other week I met up with another friend of mine from church...and THAT friend of mine and I once got coffee at this one coffeehouse....and I remembered I went there on another night with this other friend of mine...and thought to myself...I wonder how he's doing? You follow that? Good. I'm glad we had this talk.) So yeah. I dunno how he is....I sent him an email, but haven't heard from him yet....nothing new, knowing him. Last I heard he was gonna move to Nashville last year to try out the music thing, dunno how that's going.

He wrote a great song....and for whatever reason, the lyrics aren't on his site. And I don't have to CD here. But anyway...I'll have to give ya the second best thing, which is ANOTHER song of his...

In Your Hands
(words and music by Justin Hulsey)

I saw a letter in your smile and my heart in your hands again
I saw a phone call in the way you walked and my nights, my days are in your hands

This is our time to find a better place than where we are
Fragile lines that break when your home seems so far

I will reach for you through my window until I can’t see the edge of it all
Out of sight is out of mind and this cannot be my dream tonight

This is our time to find a better place than where we are
Fragile lines that break when your home seems so far

Time takes a hold of you and then throws you against the wind
Time takes a hold of you

I saw you breathing in my song, well I did not think you’d stay this long
Well my days are like your years, and I will not fall asleep anymore

This is our time to find a better place than where we are
Fragile lines that break when your home seems so far

And I’m in your hands
©2000 Weathered Music

(And you can listen to him at: )

Sleep Tight,

Michaela @7:34 AM :: Comment

Monday, August 04, 2003

I would come if you asked....

First of all...

Some of you Scots may have noticed that I'm not back over there yet. And you would be right. And yes there is a reason for that, but you'll find out everything that's happened soon.

No, I'm not getting married.

At least not anytime soon.

But lots of things have been wrecking havoc on my brain these days. Unfourtunately, those of you who know me well know that what wrecks havoc on my brain usally wrecks havoc (okay, I'll admit I just like saying that....over and over again...WRECKS HAVOC!!!) on my BOWELS. Yes, there I said it. BOWELS.

So a lot of emotional stuff...not neccessarily BAD stuff, just stuff. So I end up sick and I want everything to be normal. Or not. Maybe I want everything to be so abnormal that the pain and sickness will be worth it. I maintain that when I fall in love for the last time I'll be puking my guts out all over the place, because my stomach won't be able to handle it.

But instead of being in love, I'm not. Lots of cool stuff going on, there's no denying that. But the sickness....c'mon now, that's just annoying.

You know what I hate? I hate it when someone you love and care about is going through crap and feeling crap and you can't do a single thing about it. It seems this has happened to a lot of my friends as of late. And you want to....just make it all better and you can't. I'm sorry I can't make it better.

But I'll tell you what I can do. I can pray for you. And that may not seem much, but the guy I pray to....well, he created the universe. He knows what he's doing. And he's got it under control. Remember when we were kids and we used to sing that song....He's Got The Whole World In His Hands....and we'd sing it in front of the church and we got embarrassed when we screwed up the hand motions, but felt better afterwards because we realized we both screwed maybe since we're both screwed up, we can walk this road together and be a little less embarrassed. But the song...the song is right.

And so I'll pray to the One that has the whole World and every heart in it in His hands. Please let me carry some of that for you.

You'll be fine.


Michaela @7:59 AM :: Comment

Friday, August 01, 2003


So I got some big news.

But I can't tell you yet.

You'll just have to wait.


(Oh and my comp won't let me see your comments, I'm working on that.)

Michaela @5:30 AM :: Comment

"In the city you will find that the poor and the broken are often much, much more open to the idea of Gospel grace and much more dedicated to its practical outworkings than you are." (Tim Keller)

"Always On Your Side" by Sheryl Crow