Thursday, February 27, 2003

If anyone can tell me how I got a reference from:, than I think I will kiss them full on the mouth* tounge and everything, because its driving me nuts.

(*depending on your age, gender, general attractiveness and financial status.)

Michaela @2:58 AM :: Comment

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Now--here is my secret.

I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room when you hear these words. My secret is that I need God -- that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

-Douglas Coupland, "Life After God"

Michaela @12:46 AM :: Comment

Monday, February 24, 2003

For New Years 2000, I was at a party with my friend Moe in Leavenworth, Kansas. My friend Jimmy* was there too. Jimmy* is a man of many theories, most notable and likley of which is the one why he can’t get any dates. I don’t remember that one though, so I’ll tell you the one I do remember.

He’s got the “Cavity Causation” theory. Jimmy* explained:

“OK, now, I didn’t brush my teeth at ALL til I was 8 years old. I hated it. And you know what? I never got any cavities! Then I started brushing, and I started getting cavities! Now, that didn’t make sense until I thought: Who tells you to brush your teeth? Dentists. And who makes money when you get holes in your teeth?!”

And the world suddenly made sense.

(*Names changed to protect the innocent.)

Michaela @2:22 AM :: Comment

Saturday, February 22, 2003

So this is me today. I’ll warn you now, this probably isn’t gonna be to exciting or funny. Just normal. :) But I know that’s relative when we are talking about ME!

So today I met up with my friends Andy and Marian in town. Yes, believe it or not, I have friends. Andy and Mar are dating, but they’ve gotten past the “touchy” bit around friends, which was kinda annoying at the beginning. Completely understandable though, everyone does it. I’m just sayin. I don’t feel so single around them anymore. I passed two dudes playing steel guitar on Rose Street…I loved it, because, as much as I love bagpipes, I hear them all the time on the street here, so it was a nice change. And dang, they were good. :)

I was sitting outside the Starbucks we’d agreed to meet at, and when they walk up, I look up and Andy says: “FORBES! Your eyes are green!” Me and Marian say: “They’ve always been green.” “Oh..... well, I guess your bracelet must be bringing out the color in your eyes.” (Marian got me a tacky neon green sparkly bracelet with water in it as one of my birthday gifts in November….you know what I mean) “Um, ok Andy.”

We ran around town for a little while, Marian led us to the far reaches of Edinburgh to another Starbucks (that one was way packed) that ends up being closed on weekends. *Sigh* Eventually we pass Wesley Owen Christian Bookstore, and I’d planned to check if Back Home (the new Caedmons Call cd) was there yet. (I went on the day it was realeased…they said it wouldn’t be in til the end of the month. Grrr!) I check my balance: £20.56. Hmm. Decision. I get some dosh on Wed. Can I make it til Wed with 56p? Or should I actually get food? (Contents of my cupboard/fridge: 2 frozen chicken breasts, frozen corn, frozen peas, some pasta, some way cheap tomato sauce, some raisins, some coffee, and like 2 Nutrigrain bars. And maybe a Snickers ice cream bar leftover from my roomate. I’m not sure.I've even eaten the multi-pack of baked bean flavor Walkers chips...bummer.) Will this last me til Wed? I decide I’ve waited long enough and buy it, along with yet another 5 ‘O Clock People (The Nothing Venture) CD for 99p (WHAT?! ONE OF THE BEST CDs EVER!) for my friend Ben, and talk both Andy and Marian into getting a copy. And I got a tape of Burlap to Cashmere (Is Anybody Out There?) for 50p. What a steal. Well, then I had to pay £15 for this dumb cd. Which is like….erm…$22? I think. Ah well, I bought it because I’m dumb. I like it, actually. Its better than Long Line of Leavers, I think, though without any “stand outs” yet, like “What You Want” was. But I like it. I’ll eventually elaborate on the boards I’m sure. Its no self-titled or 40 Acres, but I think we all know we’ll never get that back again. Its still good.

We eventually make it to the movies to see Chicago. I had £5.50 left. Spent £4 on the movie. Luckily, Andy is a nice guy and got me some munchies for it. Yay! So, yeah, do the math and you can see the £1.50 left. I somehow kinda find it fun though. Real college students are poor. I think I’ve elaborated on this before. Hm

OH, and the groovy thing about today? I found out yesterday that ya’ll can send emails to my cell phone, no cost to me or you. Very cool. So I told a bunch of friends (cc.netters) about it and so I got like 12 texts today. Man, I felt so popular. If you feel so obliged, you can join in the fun: Just think, I could be sitting on a bus in Scotland, you can email me, and make me a happy camper. Groovetastic.

Ok, time for food. And pee. Not at the same time.

Michaela @9:44 PM :: Comment

So, I obviously changed the pic. All the dudes think its pretty hot, so who am I to argue? Well. I will say, though, as I was saying to Meg, that yes, I'll admit, I'm somewhat photogenic, but all that means is that people meet me later and go...."ew".

Michaela @12:21 AM :: Comment

Friday, February 21, 2003

The following is a series of messages, written on torn note paper, and tacked to the kitchen door of my flat (aka apartment), which I found yesterday morning, did not add to, and left to evolve during the day....
"DISHES - Do Them!"

"What dishes, they're all in your mind!"

"What? Even the pink ones on the ceiling? You're just trying to get out of it."

"Surely you can see they are being washed by the blue flamingoes!"

See what I have to live with folks?

Michaela @12:56 AM :: Comment

Thursday, February 20, 2003

OK, I caved. I bought the Walkers chips multi-pack with the whoopee cushion.

It was just too tempting.

Michaela @12:21 AM :: Comment

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Hey. You there. You haven't signed my Guest Map, have you? I DIDN'T THINK SO!!!!

There are LOADS of you guys who are new, who haven't signed it! So march your bony bum right on over to the left hand side, click on the GUEST MAP! Its fun. I promise.

If you don't I'll duck tape you to an ice cream truck in nothing but your underwear.

That's what I thought.

Michaela @3:17 AM :: Comment

Monday, February 17, 2003

I'm sick again. Gross. The back of my throat looks like a war zone.

Michaela @12:18 PM :: Comment

Sunday, February 16, 2003

Three Loons, a Princess, and a Dustbuster.

I nearly bought a whoopee cushion today. Seriously. I walk into All Days store, and the first thing I see is a multi-pack of Walkers Crisps in a cardboard display, advertising free whoopee cushions in every pack.

Now, if that’s not enough to make a girl like me buy a multi-pack of Walkers, I don’t know what is.

I didn’t though. £5 in my pocket went to the latest issue of NME (free CD this week! Buy it, if only to hear Ryan Adam’s “Nuclear”…I love that man’s music, even if he is a jerk at his concerts, and is not a particularly attractive man, I would kiss him full on the mouth, if only for his writing “New York, New York”, and use of a slide guitar in a rock song…) and a package of coffee. I probably COULD have bought the whoopee cushion/Walkers MegaDeal, but decided against it. (In case you’re wondering, the reason I didn’t get it: who would I use it on? My flatmates wouldn’t even notice, they’d just think they were farting, or they wouldn’t be able to hear it over their disastrous Scottish music. If I was dating someone, THAT could be fun, but I’m not. That only really leaves the option of leaving it on a chair in my own room, on the off-chance that I might not notice, and forget about it, sit on it and burst into laughter. But there’s a reason those are called “off-chances”…likelihood is slim-to-none. It’s just as funny to imagine the possibilities, and save £1.10)

The whoopee cushion incident came after walking home from the Kaffe Politik, my favourite rip-off café. The place is so expensive it may as well be in freaking Beverly Hills. (I’ll have you all know, however, that I do, in fact live in the next postcode over – as in, within walking distance – of JK Rowling, who lives in the postcode with the 2nd highest number of millionaires in Britain. Take all that info, and put it in your little calculators and you’ll realize that its not cheap to live where I live. So it makes perfect sense that a bunch of cheap-ass students live here. I’ll never understand that.)

For a while there, it was shockingly un-busy for a Saturday night. (That’s right kids, I spend my Saturday nights – on a regular basis – writing in a café. Oh the exciting life I lead. ) I then realized that it was the day after Valentines Day, and the only people that were out were: a) lame-o couples wanting to spend the whole weekend together, b) couples in which one or both people had to work yesterday or c) singles who are out celebrating the fact that they made it through another year’s Valentines Day without going mad or imploding.

“I’ll take “C” for 500, Alex.”

It wasn’t long, however, before a couple that I’d seen in there before popped in, and sat at the table across from me. (You know you visit a café too often when you start to see the same daters.)
You can usually tell which stage in a relationship that couples are in, just from observation. And I’m thinkin they’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks. They are in that giggly “Oh, Jeff, You’re so funny!” Phase…(Or at least, they would be, if guys in Scotland were named “Jeff” Maybe its more like, “Oh Angus…”) I might be bitter, but they are older, mid-to-upper 30’s, I’d say, and Thirtysomethings need love too. The lady smoked.

See, now, it made me want a smoke. Except without the cancer. Cigarettes can be quite useful for writing, something about the whole movement of things from hand to mouth and breathing and something. I dunno, I’m talking rubbish. The point is…Well, remember those candy cigarettes ya got as a kid? (My memories of them stemming from a softball game I was playing at…after the game I bought some from the candy stand, got a stern lecture from Dad before I felt so guilty I threw them away…sheesh…what a waste.) Well, they were great, weren’t they? Except for the whole “encouraging smoking” thing (my parents looked at them like pot, like some sort of gateway drug to more hardcore stuff….like Camels…), they were quite handy. All the motions of smoking, no cancer involved. Now, if you could somehow add a sort of “non-cancerous smoke” to them, I would invest some serious money in this, let me tell you, just for the sake of its accompaniment to my writing. My only current option is my pen, which I can only chew on, because smoking a pen just looks moronic.

First person to invent these non-cancerous smokes gets a tenner from me.

Eventually the Thirtysomething Daters got to “The Pause”. Its that break in the conversation that is dangerous, because its too early in the game for a “comfortable silence”. The Comfortable Silence is not possible for at least 3 months. So, instead both break out in a cold sweat, desperately trying to think of something interesting to say- at least witty, if not hilarious. In between is the thought, “Oh my gosh, if we’ve hit The Pause this early…is this person really the one for me?” This lasts until someone goes to the bathroom, giving time for both to think of something witty and/or hilarious, which can last em a couple of more hours.

This all made me very thankful to be sitting by myself, with my book, pen, paper and coffee, with no one to impress.

Michaela @12:29 AM :: Comment

Friday, February 14, 2003


Thou shalt not sit in the back row and talk and giggle during the class taught by a professor who has just come from Cambridge.


Michaela @1:10 PM :: Comment


Heya my peeps and home chickens....

Sorry I've been slack about updating for a few days......I've been sick, had class, and addicted to the boards. *sigh* And I haven't really had much to say. And now I have to write a paper for Belief and Thought. Grrrr....
Praise God for Mid Term Break next week! ;)
(Who will return soon....)

Michaela @11:28 AM :: Comment

Monday, February 10, 2003

Mental State.

Michaela: I'd do Texas.
Michaela: Oh man, I said it again.
Michaela: lol
Brandon: hahaha
Brandon: i should change my name to "texas"
Michaela: AAAAHHHH hahahhaha

Michaela @1:19 AM :: Comment

Sunday, February 09, 2003

Random Thoughts:

Web communities are weird. I like them. But they are weird. Props to my Rumor Forum homies. It was love at first post.

I’m still not feeling to great, leftovers from Thursday. But life is more than feelings, and our relationships with God are more than emotions. (Thank God.) It’s a bit bizaare though…I haven’t felt this moody in quite a long time, so its exausting, all this up and down. If I got the proper damn sleep, I’d probably be a little better. But there’s something great about your flatmates being gone for the weekend and having the whole place to yourself…makes me want to stay up and drink coffee and read stuff and write all night and let words bounce around my head. Not that this all doesn’t happen anyway, but this way, the word-bouncing doesn’t wake everyone up…..

Here’s what I don’t understand. Well, first of all, I need to preface this with the fact that this is not meant to be a poor-pitiful-me plea of acceptance, but its just what I think. (And I think its what a lot of people think.) Anyway. I don’t understand WHY, out of all the billions of other people in the world why ONE person would want to spent the rest of their life with me. I mean, I’m kinda fun and all, but there are loads of fun girls in the world. Fun girls who are really more handy to keep around than me, too. Fun girls who can bake. Fun girls who-unlike me-can actually come up with a novel plot. Fun girls who don’t burn toast everytime they attempt toaster usage. Fun girls who can do a double back flip. Fun girls who can say “Let’s Fight for Forklift Freedoms” in seven languages.

Fun girls who don’t stay up too late.

More thoughts…

John Mayer is an amazing songwriter. I got his cd on sale for $6 the first week it came out back in Atlanta. I don’t think I picked up on the intricasies of his lyrics at the time because I was all wrapped up in my own little depressed-breakup world. But seriously, he’s freakin amazing…..”I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker….” How come I never heard that lyric! That whole song (My Stupid Mouth) is so well-written….

I do miss Atlanta.

Speaking of music, Derek Webb has left Caedmon’s Call. I haven’t said that much about it on the boards because I don’t feel too strongly about it, I suppose because I saw it coming. That and I’ve been out of the States so long, and not been able to see any shows, etc. But I’m kinda glad. It means more Derek stuff. But it does make me sad to remember “the good ol days”.

CC memories:
-First discovery: in a Christian bookstore….actually via my Dad. “Hey Michaela…you gotta hear this….they kinda sound like Hootie, with a girl added….”
Ha ha.
-First concert: At Worlds Of Fun, for the KCYFC Day, in….98? I think? Must have been. So I was 16. Weird. No, I think it was 97. 15. Yep, I’m quite certain about that. It was great. Still remember Jason playing “air drums” to Bus Driver, and looking up at the stars and feeling like everything was perfect that summer.
-First Guild “backstage” show: Groovy. Waterdeep opened for them, at KCYFC auditoruim. Remember talking with Derek, and him going off about his love for U2 with my friend Todd….
-40 Acres: I was freelance writing at the time, and scored not only a press release copy of the cd, but a phone interview with Danielle. I felt like a moron after that interview. But man I wore that CD OUT. I played it constantly in the coffeeshop I worked in at the time…man, those were the days….
-ITCOA: Kirk Holloway (if any of you ex-Guilders remember him…if any of you READ this…) sent me this, along with Andrew Peterson’s CD, to me when I was on the Doulos, so I got it in Batangas, Phillippines. Working in the deck department at the time, I was assigned to paint an exterior corridor, the entryway to the Gillans and Erik’s cabin. So I took my CD player and listened to it nearly the entire time I painted that….weird, because I’ll always associate that album with painting and the Phillippines. :)

Anyway, sorry for all you non-Caedmons-Call fans out there, hope you just skipped right over that.

I hate it when friends know you are upset and make no attempt to help.

Best part of my day: Opening my bag to realize I has a Caramel Shortcake left from Thurs night that I hadn’t eaten yet. YAY!

OK, I’m done talking for tonite.

Michaela @4:46 AM :: Comment

Open Letter to Perverted Morons:

This blog does not contain any of the following:
-big fat girls
-big fat granny
-big fat ass
-my big fat ass
-big fat poo pants
-big fat child
-granny movies
-big fat black ass
-i love eminem so much

I can see your Google/Yahoo/AOL/all other searches, you weirdos. And ya ain't gonna find any big fat *insert grossness here* on this blog. Sorry to disappoint.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming......

Michaela @2:35 AM :: Comment

Saturday, February 08, 2003

I miss Megan!


Michaela @4:37 PM :: Comment

Friday, February 07, 2003

I know. I changed my title again. Sorry, to all those who have to change link names again. This one will hopefully stay longer. I like it. :) And yes, its an old (amazing) Sixpence None the Richer album.

Michaela @3:15 AM :: Comment

Annoying Girl Lament

OK, sorry I haven’t really written a good post in a few days. And yesterday I had all these great ideas on what to write about on here. But I couldn’t yesterday…and then today was just totally full-on, from 7am to 10pm, non-stop. And I’m really really frustrated and confused and I hate that feeling.

The thing is, if things are generally pretty crap, then if the littlest little GOOD thing that happens seems GREAT. The bummer is that the opposite is true. If everything is going fantastic, the slightest thing that goes wrong can feel HUGE.

Yesterday – or, last night, really – was really fantastic. I’d gotten a great new worship cd and just spent some quality time with God. Over the last few day I realized I’d been trying to “run on empty”, when God was really calling me to just stop and listen. So I actually did that, and was really running on the “high” from that, really just so excited about what God was doing, and how much he’s blessed me with. That transferred over to this morning. I love my Belief and Thought class, and the lecturerer in there just blows my mind, I think he’s great. And I was just having a laugh with friends.


As the day wore on, all these little tiny things happened, people would say and do the tiniest things and not even meaning to….maybe that’s the issue? In that….. in the “not meanings to’s”, it’s a slow build-up of feeling forgotten, or unimportant to these people, especially if you feel THEY are important to YOU. So as the day wore on I felt more and more frustrated……

I still do, despite what my head thinks about those feelings being totally unfounded. I wish I had some sort of PMS to blame it on, but I can’t. I just feel pretty shitty (hey, that’s underlined by spell-check, whatdoyaknow….). And its mostly about myself, which I hate.

I’m just venting.

Sorry you had to listen to all that.

I'll feel better in the morning. Hopefully.

Michaela @1:05 AM :: Comment

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

HOLY S$&*!


Courtesy of:

Michaela @2:05 AM :: Comment

"The carnal desire is like my love for those Hostess cherry-filled pies. My desire tells me to steal the pies, run outside, but not so far as to imply planning, smear them over my naked body, and revel in the sweet, sweet cherry."

-Jonathan Proft quoting a Bethel College professor. For posterity. Honk.

Michaela @2:00 AM :: Comment

Monday, February 03, 2003

And when people ask:

"Michaela, why didn't you stay in Asia?"

I direct them HERE.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. That just ain't right.
(At least this one is a joke though...)

Michaela @6:46 PM :: Comment

Which John Cusack Are You?

Good to know that of the John Cusack options out there, I'm Rob Gordon. (Much better than being a hit man.) Have I mentioned how much I love this movie? (Have I mentioned how much MORE I love the book?)

The thing, I think this may be a little TOO true. I dare say, I do indeed have a kickass record collection, at the very least. Me and Katy are gonna open a record store....we've decided it will be our "ministry", working with teens like Joe in Empire Records.

I am Rob Gordon.

Michaela @3:23 AM :: Comment

"What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be. Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy. And I use these words pretty loosely. There's so much more to life than words. There is a me you would not recognize, Dear. Call it the shadow of myself. And if the music starts before I get there dance without me. You dance so gracefully. I really think I'll be o.k. They've taken their toll these latter days. Nothin' like sleeping on a bed of nails. Nothin' much here but our broken dreams. Ah, but baby if all else fails, nothin' is ever quite what it seems. And I'm dyin' inside to leave you with more than cliches. There is a me you would not recognize, Dear. Call it the shadow of myself. And if the music starts before I get there dance without me. You dance so gracefully. I really think I'll be o.k. They've taken their toll these latter days."

--Karin Bergquist and Linford Detweiler of Over the Rhine from their song Latter Day

Michaela @12:23 AM :: Comment

Sunday, February 02, 2003

When my friends ask me: "Michaela, why IS it that you left America so darn quickly after returning?"
...I direct them HERE.

That just ain't right.

Michaela @5:16 PM :: Comment

"Maturity means knowing when to be immature." -Lydia Beard

Purple Line Of Death.

My coffee is cold and I should be in bed, really, because I need to go to church because I haven't gone for 2 weeks because I have a freakish sleeping pattern. Well, ok, its non-existent. So there you go.

This morning I had to get up at the butt-crack-of-dawn to go to a Child Protection class thats required for me as a youth worker. I slept horribly last of those nights where you toss and turn and can never differentiate between your dreams and your thoughts. So I was beyond tired, and the 2 hour class was pretty dull.
The ride there was nice though.

This morning was REALLY pretty, the sun shining and the day just....nice. Blue skies and white sunlight. Birds were actually singing on the way to the bus stop...and its JANUARY for crying out loud! Are there any birds around in Kansas City in January? I don't remember, I haven't spent a January there in 3 years. (Weird thought, there.) But I was WAY too tired to really enjoy it properly, which is the crap thing about mornings (if you aren't a morning person...and seeing as is 3am can see I'm not a morning person.) I would love mornings if they were in the middle of the day.

Tonite I went to the movies (Warner Village at The Omni) with Lydia, my flatmate, and Claire, a girl I know who just moved here from London, originally from New Zealand. It was great, since I don't usually get to hang in Edinburgh with friends much because all my friends are in Glasgow or elsewhere. But this makes TWO days now out with friends in Edinburgh. Party on!
(Commerical break: I love living in the city. Drunk people outside your flat yelling at each other, ladies heels clicking on the flagstone walkways, as they all come in from just now...ah, yes, l repeat, I love the city.)

It was there, waiting for the movie, where the inspiration for my new title (Big Fat Granny Pants) came about. Its a favorite "curse" word of Lydias. In case you didn't know, PANTS=UNDERWEAR here in the UK. What we Americans would call pants, are usually called TROUSERS. Which was something I picked up on the ship anyway, so I was already saying it. But PANTS is a great swear word, much like POO back home. Except UNDERWEAR isn't really as powerful. Or as short. So anyway, we were having a laugh, and it was decided that I would rename my Blog that. So there you go, The Story of a Blog Title, Vol 1.

We ended up seeing 8 Mile because we were too late to see Chicago. Bummer. But I liked 8 Mile. I was really wishing I was NOT seeing it in Edinburgh, since, in a HUGE theatre that probably sat like I dunno, several hundred, there was not one black person there. This is because you are pretty hard pressed to find ANY black people in Edinburgh. There are a few in Glasgow, but not so much in Edinburgh. Indians? WE got your Indians right here! Italians? Albanians? We got those too! But, er, not so many blacks. Which SUCKS because I really miss them! I totally wanted to be watching it and making all sorts of WHOOPS! and "AIIIIIGHT!!!!" "DAAAWGS" and "SHHHIIIIIIIIT"s along with them. But all the whities were too quiet. Dang it. Can you tell I grew up the ghetto? I did! (You don't believe me do you?) Kansas City, Kansas...WyCo White Trash! Go check the place out and THEN you will believe me! Its great though, when you are a kid, you don't really know all that. I moved to Lee's Summit and I was like, er, where are all the black people?

BUT I digress.

I thought it was good. But all the hype about Oscars is a little much, especially for Eminem. So, if I play Nickala Porbes in a movie about a girl who grew up ghetto, then suburbs, and then went to asia and then to scotland, would they nominate ME for an Academy award?

Hey, maybe I should write a movie like that.

I'd probably need some DOPE raps, dawg! Or, at least some bust out Asian lyrical....
But anyway, 8 Mile. Yeah, it was a really really good portrait of rap/urban culture though, which was cool. In a weird way, it made me almost as homesick as Sweet Home Alabama did....though I know that NEITHER of them are much like my home...but I have bits of both.

OK, I'm starting to bore myself. Why are you still reading this?

I was told I should write a book. (Stop laughing!) I'm trying to figure out if I could write an entire novel without giving away the gender of the protagonist until the end. That would be very difficult. Could be good though. I had a friend in high school who liked REM because Michael Stipe was bi and he thought it was cool that he never knew if the lyrics were talking about a guy or a girl. (My friend was a little weird.) It would be the same principle...but without the sexuality stuff. But still....a good love subplot would be essential...would it be possible? Hm. Still thinking. Comments are welcome.

Speaking of writing, I think the single cushiest job EVER would be to be a weekly newspaper columist. Even a daily, that would be fine. I was reading the Scotland on Sunday and this columist was just going off about how she was at a party seeing old friends that she doesn't stay in contact with. My thoughts: My BLOG is more exciting than this and I don't get paid as much as her! WHAT is that about?!

Gonna have to get me one of them writin jobs, yesssir!

Peace Out 2 My Bruhvas,

Michaela @3:36 AM :: Comment

"In the city you will find that the poor and the broken are often much, much more open to the idea of Gospel grace and much more dedicated to its practical outworkings than you are." (Tim Keller)

"Always On Your Side" by Sheryl Crow